Dear Ask the Vet:
In all this heat my dog, Ezra, lies flat out on his back and displays all his private parts, which he has a lot, of believe me! I didn’t give Ezra’s manhood a single thought when a special lady friend came over who I was hoping to impress. She took one look at Ezzie in all his glory, let out a shriek and ran out the door. What should I do?
Loveless in Loveland
Dear Love:
Ezra needs a jock strap and a special pair of shorts to wear when it’s hot and you have reasons to cover up his display. The company is Balls Away, located in Ballston, Ohio. (Isn’t that just too coincidental?)
You can send away for their free measuring kit, which involves making a piaster of Paris cast of your dog’s privates while he is on his back. You return the cast and they send back the jock strap and shorts. They offer a variety of colors for the shorts. All this for $295. Express shipping is extra.
Dear Ask the Vet::
It has been so hot that my cat’s tongue has been sticking to the concrete patio in the backyard when she tries to lick up some vile thing. (Probably the remains of the dog’s do-do after I picked it up.) Now I see that the dog’s pads are sticking to the concrete also, it’s so hot. What can I do?
Sticky in Stokeland
Dear Stoke:
You, too, are in luck. Balls Away in Ballston, Ohio (see question and answer above) has a new spray product in an aerosol can that will handle the problem. They call it Sticky Be Gone. Before the cat goes out, open his or her mouth and coat the tongue liberally with Sticky Be Gone. (This is probably a two- or three-person operation.) For the dog, you spray Sticky Be Gone on all the pads on all four feet before he goes out on the patio. Psssst! Problems gone.
Dear Ask the Vet:
The other day several people, including me, grew very concerned when we saw a dog locked inside a pickup truck outside a convenience store with all the windows rolled up. It was almost 100 degrees outside and the dog was panting furiously. We looked all around for the owner. Not to be found. Just as we were really getting frantic, the guy emerged from the bathroom of the store and drove away. What should we do next time?
Concerned in Washburn
Dear Wash:
A number of schools of veterinary medicine have studied this problem at length. Although they differ in the details, the consensus seems to be that the best approach is to open the vehicle’s door and roll down the windows. If the door is locked and you are at a convenience store, just ask around. There will be several people standing around nearby who can jimmy the door lock in about 15 seconds.
(Author’s Note: Balls Away will soon be going public with a stock offering. If you are interested in receiving a prospectus, give us a shout.)