Wasps Eat Wooden Fence, Build Six-Foot Nest
Of course. The fence was six feet high. (Carpenter wasps.)
Porky Actress June Allyson Dies at 88
Okay, okay, before you start with the angry letters, it was probably a typo. Have you tried to hire a decent headline writer recently? On the other hand, perky or porky, is there much difference these days, what with all-you-can-eat restaurants and soft drink machines every ten feet?
Colin Powell Falls Ill at Dinner with Clinton
It was the over-stuffed baked potatoes, giant bowls of pork rinds, pecan pie, cherry pie, apple pie, all topped with real whipped cream, roast venison, wild boar, Tibetan yak, Alaskan caribou, fried shark entrails, and steamed wildebeest hooves. Plus, collard greens. Collard greens to make you want to puke for.
Docs Remove 119 Rusty Nails From Woman’s Stomach
Let’s face it. Nails are going to rust, bathed in all that acid. If you plan to store steel in your stomach and don’t want to cope with the rust problem, check with your pharmacist. There are some good anti-rust heartburn remedies available now, usually without a doctor’s prescription.
600-Pound Buddha Back on Perch
The real mystery is how did it get out of the cage after it fell off the perch? There must have been someone else involved in this one.
Episcopalians Mall Gay Bishops
Let’s get this straight. If you’re a new gay bishop in the Episcopal church, you have to go hang out at the mall as part of your ordination? Couldn’t you just volunteer for a day or two at a homeless shelter or pass out hymnals at one of those evangelical Christian megachurches in Colorado Springs?
Severed Head Flies from Truck in Bizarre Collision
Sorry. Couldn’t resist. No collection like this is complete without at least one severed head. (Note to headline writer: You don’t need “bizarre” in this headline. The story speaks for itself.)