No Need to Buy a Term Paper, Just Cut and Paste Satirium
Editor’s Note: When Diametrius Overturus, a 17-year-old senior at Calverton High School in Shortwood, California, was assigned a term-paper on “satire and humor,” he wrote the following by trolling Satirium.com and using traditional cut and paste techniques. He received a grade of A-minus and graduated third in his class last week.
Satire and Humor
by Diametrius Overturus
Satire and humor was invented at the foot of the Third Hill of Rome approximately 2,312 years ago by a young man, Satirius, who was a big hit at an early improv club there and his fans called his monologs satirium.
Satire wasn’t particularly appreciated in certain quarters of Caesarian Rome and later Satirius got into way big trouble with the Bush president. He voted for John Kerry and yeah he know Big Mistake and he deeply regret it now.
Also, NSA wire-tapped the Yemen calls about renting a shipping container and how to get it on a boat to Baltimore. He admit during a couple of calls he asked about how likely it was that the container might be opened by customs inspectors in Baltimore. But it was all very innocent.
Later Satirius got New Technology Gives Green Light to Peeing in the Pool. A Pee Pool is not a separate swimming pool installed adjacent to a normal pool. Instead, a Pee Pool has a system of microprocessor-controlled sensors dispersed throughout the walls and floor of the pool that can detect very low levels of urine.
“It works, I can tell you that,” said Robert Dudley, who installed a Pee Pool last month in his newly constructed home in Naples, Florida. “I tested it myself. Within a second or two those jets kicked in, then the suction, really strong suction. What a ride. Nearly pulled my bathing suit off. Urine doesn’t stand a chance.”
Later The National Association of EMTs is warning its members to brace for a rash of strokes, heart attacks and seizures among older Anglo males during Cinco de Mayo festivities early in May. The reason: the emergence of a new malady known as HIS, which stands for “Hispanic induced seizure.”
“Just as abstinence among humans is a preferred means of preventing AIDS and unwanted children, the President feels that abstinence, used properly, could solve the our nation’s enormous problem of unwanted kittens and puppies,” said a White House official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear that his two male bulldogs might find out.
However, Winnie the Pooh sans even a skimpy stuffed bear thong was further evidence that Disney has chosen the high road in the culture wars and rejects calls from conservative family values lobbying groups to fully clothe the company’s stable of cartoon characters, most of whom have always been naked from the waist down.
Later George Clooney was spotted sitting on a bench in Lafayette Park near the White House wearing a J. Edgar Hoover costume and whispering into his lapel. A Clooney spokesperson would neither confirm nor deny the authenticity of the sighting, but did admit that Clooney’s production company has optioned “Wiretapped,” a romantic comedy based on Hoover’s life.