Sometimes, the Hardest Questions Are the Simple Ones
Libertarians are angrily throwing verbal brickbats at one another in the wake of a simple question posed in the respected journal Libertarian Today.
The question, offered without comment by the jounral’s editors in the widely followed column aptly named “Questions”, was this:
How many cats can a libertarian own?
“As many as he wants, no limits,” Abner in Abington immediately shot back in the journal’s online forum.
“Provided my colleague in futility, Abner, doesn’t have a wife,” Rainbow in Raritan replied. “Let a woman into your life and it’s lucky if you can have two cats, not counting her, of course.”
“Don’t be a sexist. A true Libertarian is not a sexist,” April in Weehauken scolded.
“True Libertarians never, ever scold. Libertarians respect dissent,” Louis in Santa Fe lectured.
The journal’s provocative feline query comes at a troubled time for Libertarians. Though true Libertarians shun both Democrats and Republicans, six years ago they held out hope that George W. Bush — despite the unfotunate nickname “Dubya” — might be a leader who would rein in expansion of government programs and spending and eschew aggressive foreign adventures involving the military or armies of civilian do-gooders.
Alas, Bush’s spending is up 25 percent over past presidents, he has yet to veto a single bill, No Child Left Behind has inserted Federal watchdogs into every classroom in the country and the Iraq adventure could cost $1 trillion before it is over.
As a result, Libertarians are struggling with whether they can somehow be the catalyst for formation of a third political party around a charismatic small government zelaot like H. Ross Perot and have a real shot at the White House in 2008.
No surprise, then, that “How many cats can a libertarian own?” touched a raw political nerve.
A Libertarian should have as many cats as he wants, a large number of online commentators asserted.
“Even if the stench is ruining the entire neighborhood?” Janus in Jamesburg asked.
“Let those with objections move away,” Raymond in Raton said.
“Let the offended neighbor start a primate colony to get even. Ever smell a bunch of moneys? I have and I can tell you it ain’t no fun,” Montgomery in Montclair answered.
“Or a colony of ferrets. I can tell you ferrets smell far, far worse than monkeys,” Mike in Montgomery said.
“If we are to have any traction as an alternative to the same-old, same-old of Democrats and Republicans, we have to embarce the idea that individuals can’t do just any old thing they want,” Phyllis not in Philadelphia said.
“Not where cats are concerned. As many cats as you want, despite the smell, even if you consume a dump truck load of Kitty Litter deposited every week in your driveway,” Catman in Catasaga ranted.
“Pardon the digression, Catman, but where can I get the best price on cat litter by the dump truck load?” Rodney in Readington queried.
“More to the point, if you are consuming a dump truck load of cat litter a week, what do you do with the used litter,” Curious in Cutaloosa asked.
“I just dump it in the toilet,” Catman in Catasaga replied.
“That’s apalling,” April in Weehauken said. “How can you do that? It’s a true tragedy of the commons at the sewage treatment plant.”
“Listen, Sister, government’s job is to dispose of it so that others don’t have to smell it. That’s a core Libertarian belief — government cleans up. Period. Wake your skinny ass up,” Catman replied.
At that point, the Libertarian Today server apparently crashed. When service was restored several hours later, the “How many cats can a libertarian own?” question had been removed. An editor’s note announced that “the very interesting commentary thread from a recent question about felines unfortunately cannot be retrieved.”