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Volume 7

More News Stories We (Gasp!)
Decided to Skip
July 27, 2005

Cat Hoarders Want Federal
Protection from Do-gooders
July 29, 2005

Satirium's Index: Dubya Flips the
Finger while Paris Swats Mosquitoes
August 1, 2005

Prayer, Mountain Dew Lead Tobacco
Spitter to National Title
August 3, 2005

Does President Bush Believe the
Value of Pi Is 3.0?
August 5, 2005

Casino Camping Gambler Nearly
Drowns in Mega Jackpot
August 8, 2005

Bottomless Cheerleaders Lead 'Nude
People in the News'
August 10, 2005

The FBI Is Following Me -- Doo Dah,
Doo Dah
August 12, 2005

New Fall Movies We Can't
Wait to See
August 17, 2005

Tips for Carrying Political Protests
to New Heights
August 19, 2005

Ask the Betsy: How to Plan the Menu
When the Guest Is Really Fat
August 22, 2005

Family Jailed after Their Dogs
Found on No-Fly List
August 24, 2005

What's in a First Name? Ask the
Runaway Named 'Scout'
August 26, 2005

Home Depot Wins Forklift Races in
Midnight Parking Lot Face-off
April 11, 2005

Wish upon a Junket Eases
Washington's Ethics Crisis
April 13, 2005

At Wendy's, Search for Chili Finger
Grinds on
April 15, 2005

Tapping the Flasher and Streaker
Footwear Market
April 18, 2005

Now that Spring Is Here, Husband
Refuses to Mow the Lawn
April 19, 2005

Junkets Tom DeLay Wishes He Had
Taken instead of the Scotland Trip
April 22, 2005

John Bolton Chooses Desk
Art for His UN Office
April 25, 2005

Heidi's Klumquats Meet Prince
Abdullah's Fat, Sweaty Hand
April 27, 2005

Your Forties Are a More Dangerous
Than Earlier Thought
April 29, 2005

Clinton-Gore Bumper Sticker Ignites
Garage Sale Uproar
May 1, 2005

American Idol Collides with Frogs
That Sing and Coach
May 4, 2005

FedEx to Give Free Rides to All
Members of Congress
May 6, 2005

Film Critics Agree: Paris Is...
Awesome
May 9, 2005

How to Get the Bushies to Take
Global Warming Seriously
May 11, 2005

Networks Fervently Embrace
Religion with New Dramas
May 13, 2005

Bush Explains His Bike Ride,
Shootdown Protocols
May 16, 2005

Ohio Town Designates June 30
as Orgasm Day
May 18, 2005

Parti Poodle Nixes Owner's
Love Affair
May 20, 2005

Help Dubya Find a Successor
to Greenie
May 23, 2005

Satirium's Cool or not so Hot
Summer Reading List
May 25, 2005

Teen in Coma after Watching Paris'
urger Flick 212 Times
May 27, 2005

Hollywood Starlet Jelly Donut
Diet Storms Tinseltown
May 30, 2005

Some Senators Just too Busy, So Cut
Them Some Slack on Lynching
June 24, 2005

Hollywood's Box Office Slump
Explained in Ten Easy Steps
June 27, 2005

Garage Sales in Tizzy after
Thousands Found in $2 Chair
June 1, 2005

Gasoline Theft, Snow Phallus
Latest Fire Safety News
June 3, 2005

Handling a Lampshade Husband
and Children Who Pee in the Pool
June 6, 2005

Year's Best Nuisance Lawsuits
Awarded Silver Gavel
June 8, 2005

Play Patriot Act Renewal Bingo
with Dubya
June 10, 2005

How to Quickly Get That Promotion
and Pay Raise
June 13, 2005

Ten Reasons Why the Patriot Act
should Be Renewed
June 15, 2005

Tips for Managing a Polygamist's
70-Wife Marriage
June 17, 2005

Thanks, but We'll Skip Reading
These News Articles
June 20, 2005

White House, Pentagon to Change
Meaning of 'Quagmire'
June 22, 2005

Some Senators Just too Busy, So Cut
Them Some Slack on Lynching
June 24, 2005

Hollywood's Box Office Slump
Explained in Ten Easy Steps
June 27, 2005

New Service Sells Fingers to
Fast Food Patrons
June 29, 2005

All 314 Residents of Colorado Town
Plan Nude Calendar
July 1, 2005

Pressure Mounting for Bush to Appoint
a Bald Judge
July 4, 2005

NASA's Comet Experiment Unleashes
Brainwave Tsunami
July 6, 2005

New Device Shocks Husbands
Who Enter Home Depot
July 8, 2005

Treat Your Bored Palate with These
Tasty Insect Recipes
July 11, 2005

Doting Grandfather Arrested with
Six Kids in Car Trunk
July 13, 2005

Reporters Rent Airplane Hanger
to Unravel Rove Affair
July 15, 2005

Latest Hamptons Chic: Bobbing for
Coi in Lalique Bowls
July 18, 2005

Despite Nudity, 'Struggle into My Girdle'
Musical Hits a Snag
July 20, 2005

How to Use Brainwaves to Turn
Appliances On and Off
July 22, 2005

Hordes of Horny Geezers Storm
Wal-Mart's Dating Night
July 25, 2005