Copyright Pledge Drive Celsius Blog Newsletter Links
November 26, 2004

Wall Street Plans Virgin Mary Sandwich Shop National Chain

Entrepreneur's Goal Is a Store Near Every Catholic Church

A Wall Street investment firm is putting the finishing touches on a new chain of sandwich stores that will cater to the appetites of the devout Roman Catholic parishioner.

The first Virgin Mary Sandwich Shoppe will open in January across the street from Saint Paul's Roman Catholic Church in a working class neighborhood of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. The firm's ambitious goal is to have a Virgin Mary Sandwich Shoppe near every Catholic church in the United States by the end of 2008.

The eatery's trademark menu item will be a grilled cheese sandwich that has the image of the Virgin Mary staring out from the surface of the bread. Krazy Kwizines, LLC, the investment firm, declined to reveal the process that will imprint the image on each sandwich.

The new eatery concept was inspired by the Virgin Mary sandwich recently auctioned off on Ebay for $28,000 to an online casino that wanted it for publicity purposes.

The Ebay sandwich was made a decade ago by Diana Duyser, 52, a jewelry designer in Miami. Duyser said that on that fateful day she took a bite out of the sandwich and then happened to glance down at it. There, staring back at her from the bread, was the face of the Virgin Mary, imprinted in the bread by the cooking.

Recognizing a miracle, Duyser put the sandwich in a plastic box and kept it on her night stand for the next decade. She decided to "share it with the wold" via an Ebay.

"We think the religious fast food market has enormous potential," said Roger Thorndike of Thorndike & Thorndike, the New York public relations agency that represents Krazy Kwizines. "Look at the enormous revenues generated annually by church bakes ales and potluck dinners. And that's without applying any professional MBA managerial skills or tapping marketing expertise."

Thorndike said that the sandwich stores would feature only one product with the image of the Virgin Mary -- the trademark grilled cheese sandwich. "You don't want to dilute the brand with too many Virgins," he said.

Plans call for 2,500 stores near Catholic churches in the midwest Rust Belt states during 2005, followed by another 5,000 stores in states with large Hispanic populations during 2006.

"We'll probably have 4,000 stores in California, Arizona, New Mexico, Florida, and Texas before we're finished," Thorndike said.

A spokesman for the National Conference of Catholic Bishops said the group was looking into whether the image of the Virgin Mary could be trademarked.

"If the Church can trademark the Virgin's image, then that would open the door to stopping this sacrilegious exploitation of the Virgin," said a spokesman for the bishops. "In any case, we denounce this mixing of religious freedom with crass commercialization."

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
All Rights Reserved
satire | humor | comedy | parody| satirical headlines

Today's Photo
President Bush explains why he doesn't plan to watch Bill Moyers' stinging PBS documentary about the selling of the Iraq War.
Help Us with the Bush
Baldies Project
Banned in China

 

Recent Satire
and Humor

Satirium Corrects,
Regrets Errors

How to Describe
Wolfowitz's Friend

Heart Buster Burger
Exits Hospital Menu

New Name for Hoe Is
not a Simple Matter

Cheney Clueless on
Smithsonian Position

Hoe Manufacturers
Ponder Name Change

Paramedics Summoned
When Plumber Sings

Nagging Wife Club
Big Hit with Men

Satirium Searches for
Humor at Guantanamo

Inventor Plans Memory
Pill for Officials

Internet Satirists Want
Rumsfeld to Return

My Dogs and I Received
National Security Letters

Opera Loving Carpenter
Fights Philistines

Helicopter Parents
Are Seen Everywhere

Powerful Lobby Now
Backs Iraq War

Frantic Wife Copes with
eBay Addict Husband

Seeking Healing with
Iraq War Holiday

I Won the Lottery and
My Life Is a Mess

NPR Corrects Shop
Class Sex Story

Curmudgeon Drug
Hailed
as Medical Miracle

Neil Diamond Admits
'Brang' Is not a Word

Ghosts Prefer Alfalfa,
Homeless Want Cash

Why Spending $1 Billion
on Election No Big Deal

How to Have Some
Fun at Home Depot

Bush Court Stamps
Chimp Studies Secret

Romney May Change
First Name to 'Mutt'

Satirium Ignores
Britney's Bald Head

Lawyers Troll for
Overworked Housewives

Urgent Questions for
Barack Obama

Plan For a Great
Valentine's Day 2008