September 27, 2004

Preparing for Martha's Reality Show after She Leaves Prison

Will it Be a Desert Island Restaurant or a Manhattan Pushcart?

Martha Stewart's company, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, announced a deal with television producer Mark Burnett to create a reality show that features Stewart. Burnett is the creator of The Apprentice and The Survivor reality programs. -Reuters

Here are three brief treatments for possible Martha Stewart reality programs.

 

The Quilted Palm Tree

Martha and six brand new graduates of the world's top cooking schools will be deposited on a deserted South Pacific atoll with some basic carpentry tools, kitchen equipment, a fishing pole,100 gallons of triple virgin olive oil, 10 pounds of saffron, and two dozen laying hens. Martha will be limited to only two temper tantrums per day. They will have six weeks to create a gourmet restaurant complete with all the trademark Martha accents and serve a four-star meal to the judges - famed French chef Paul Bocuse and Jacques Chirac, the president of France. If her meal pleases the judges, each of the six chefs will receive $100,000 and Martha will receive $500,000.

 

The Quilted Push Cart

Working entirely by herself with no staff to assist her in any way, Martha will sell gourmet food from a pushcart on the side streets around Rockefeller Center in New York City. She will have to acquire the cart, obtain the city permits, bribe officials and police as necessary, plan the menus, prepare the food, somehow get the cart and food from her base of operations in Far Rockaway into Manhattan each day. She will sell her food six days a week and fend off shoplifters, crazy people, perverts, panhandlers, tourists, motorists, and Mayor Bloomberg. At the end of six weeks, if her net hourly wage (net profit divided by all the hours she has spent on the pushcart enterprise) is equal to or greater than the minimum wage, she will get a bonus of $1 million.

 

The Quilted Homeless Shelter

Martha and six convicted felons on parole after serving their sentences for obstruction of justice will turn a derelict row house in Long Island City, New York into a homeless shelter and operate it for six months, including raise the money to keep it going. If at the end of the six months Martha and her fellow felons have been able to take at least one of their clients and turn the person's life around, find him or her a job, a place to live, and provide health insurance and dental care at least equal to what the President and each member of Congress receives, then Martha and her fellow cons will receive $1 million to split among themselves.

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