October 18, 2004

Karl Rove Courts the Bush Press with Practical Jokes

Pranks Aimed at Media Stuffed Shirts, Talking Heads

"In the last two weeks, (Bush) campaign strategist Karl Rove has been making nearly daily visits to the press filing center during campaign stops, not just to serve up sunny assessments of the race but to play practical jokes on reporters." --The Los Angeles Times

 

Pages from Rove's News Media Practical Jokes Playbook

 

Glue Reporter's Notebook Pages Shut

Wait for the reporter to leave his chair, then sidle past and filch his notebook. Retreat to the bathroom or some other private place and put a small dab of rubber cement between each of the pages of the notebook so that pages aren't destroyed but victim must carefully pry them apart to see the pages. Sidle past the desk again and put the notebook back in its place.

 

 

Missing Laptop or Wi-Fi Card

In press centers with the appropriate facilities, filch the victim's wi-fi card from his laptop. Or, you can "disappear" his Blackberry or PDA. When the disappearance is discovered, let the ensuing uproar run about 10 minutes before "discovering" the item. This works best with one of the whiners. Alternative: swipe a laptop if the opportunity presents itself.

 

Whipped Cream Condom Bomb

You need a condom and an aerosol can of whipped cream for this one. Find a quiet place to open the condom. Insert the nozzle of the whipped cream can into the condom and hold the condom tight against the nozzle. Release enough whipped cream so that the condom is filled to the brim. It might be necessary to use a baggie tie to hold the condom closed. Place the condom bomb on the reporter's chair, in his briefcase or computer bag, or under the table where the reporter will hit it with his feet.

 

Condom Water Bomb

Similar to the whipped cream condom bomb. Fill the condom with water until it is the size of a balloon. Tie it with a baggie tie. Leave it on the reporter's chair or under the table where he will hit it with a foot. A dab of red food color in the water will further enliven the response.

 

Flirtatious (or Angry) Prostitute

Security will have to be in on this one from the beginning. Make sure a low-level campaign staffer makes the arrangements in case something goes wrong so that you have deniability and can fire someone, if necessary. Have the prostitute burst into the filing center and accost the victim, either angrily or seductively, but very publicly. Note, not just any prostitute can pull this off, but with the right "lady of the night" the scene can be hilarious. Alternative: hire a male actor who appears in drag as a prostitute.

 

Copy Desk Calling with Questions

Call one of the newspaper stuffed shirts/crybabies, disguise your voice and pretend to be the copy editor from hell back at the home office, or the clueless new hire who grills the reporter about spellings, use of language, tone of the article, etc. Alternative: call the victim's hotel room at 3 a.m. (get the room number from the Travel Office) and pretend to be an irate reader. Alternative: Hire a comic who can impersonate GWB's voice and have him call.

 

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
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