October 20, 2004

Tracking Candidate Bad Breath: Cheney Worst, Then Kerry

Breath Trackers Service Says Bush, Edwards Tied at Third Place

After the vice presidential debate as the candidates and their families milled about the stage, sharp-eyed television viewers noticed Vice President Dick Cheney reach into a pocket and pop something into his mouth.

A heart pill? Something to quiet a churning stomach?

The Breath Trackers staff member, who watched the debate from the front row, could have explained it. The vice president -- seeing a discreet, secret Breath Trackers signal -- popped a fast-acting, high-powered breath mint into his mouth.

In fact, Breath Trackers is present at virtually every event involving the presidential and vice presidential candidates. Using proprietary remote sensing technology, as well as up close human nose tests, they constantly monitor the breath of President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and Senators Kerry and Edwards.

Why? Alfred Tuttle, professor of political science at Tulane University, says bad breath matters in politics. "It's something people only whisper about, but a candidate with bad breath can turn off staff members, volunteers, and any voter he or she comes in contact with. Who wants their baby kissed by a politician who smells like he just ate six cloves of garlic? Bad breath can sink a campaign."

Breath Trackers was founded based on such fears.

"Both campaigns have retained us, and I can tell you that we're strictly non-partisan and so is bad breath. All four of these guys have moments of stinky breath," said Winston Poltrac, Breath Trackers executive vice president. "Our job is to alert them as quickly as possible and then see that they immediately do something about it."

Poltrac declined to rate the candidates' propensity for bad breath. But a source with knowledge of anecdotal reports from Breath Trackers employees who have traveled with the presidential campaigns say that Vice President Dick Cheney is most prone to bad breath, followed closely John Kerry. President George Bush and Senator John Edwards are tied for third place.

"You've got to constantly monitor the vice president. He can plunge way over the edge in the blink of an eye," said one Breath Trackers staff member who declined to be identified. "But usually a BT mint will correct it immediately, though sometimes it takes two or even three mints."

Other Breath Trackers employees said that Kerry doesn't move into the smelly category as easily as Cheney, but that when he does, he goes all the way. It takes strong remedies to correct the situation.

Bush and Edwards were both described as generally having good breath. When either man does slip over the edge, the fall is not that great and a simple mint is often sufficient.

"With all four clients, we try to be extra vigilant as they work the rope lines," said Poltrac. "We don't rely on the remote sensing devices, because you have to aim them and they make the Secret Service very nervous. So our people have to get right up there on the rope line and use a sharp elbow here and there so they can get close enough to smell the candidate's breath."

He said the candidates don't necessarily recognize a Breath Trackers staff member. But Breath Trackers employs a secret sign that warns the candidate to pop one of the BT mints that all four candidates carry in their pockets. In more severe cases when the mints prove ineffective, the Breath Trackers staff member may seek out a senior campaign aide and warn of the problem.

"Senior staff on the campaigns are very attuned to what we are trying to do," Poltrac said. "They've learned the hard way that they have to take quick, aggressive action when we alert them that the mints alone aren't doing the job."

Poltrac declined to discuss what comprises a more aggressive approach.

Tuttle, the Tulane political scientist, says that many politicians underestimate the damage that bad breath can do.

"In this day of campaigning through television, Internet, and direct mail, it's easy for a candidate to think that how they smell during a personal appearance isn't as important as it used to be," Tuttle said. "But our research has shown that voters at a town hall meeting or on the ropes at a rally who smell bad breath have an ability to amplify that discovery far beyond one event. News of bad breath spreads far and wide, like a virus. Voters punish bad breath."

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
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