October 8, 2004

Bones on the Floor Restaurant Raises Dining to New Level

New York Has a Spot Where Dog Lovers Can Dine with Fido

Trudy Patience, Critic, reviews Soho's hot new restaurant, Bones on the Floor:

I don't know how they did it, people. Someone must have slipped some money under the table. Or maybe many someones got money under many tables.

But Soho now has its first restaurant where you can take your dog with you. What's more, your dog can eat, too. It's all perfectly legal. My Poopsie loved it.

The concept is elegant.

You order a big hunk of bone-in dripping meat from the rotisserie -- beef, buffalo, elk, chicken, lamb, goat, or rabbit. You and your dinner companions eat the meat with your hands -- or utensils if you're feeling civilized -- and then throw the leavings, bones and all, on the floor for your dogs.

Talk about retro chic!

If you don't have a dog, don't let that hold you back. Bones on the Floor will rent you one of the house dogs for your exclusive use. The house dogs are great -- everything from adorable little miniature dachshunds to an Irish wolf hound. (If you rent the Irish wolf hound, keep in mind that the dog won't exactly wait under the table for you to toss him some leavings.)

Bones on Floor is the creation of Mark Osmond, whose inspiration came from his stint as a chef at one of the medieval-themed restaurants found in touristy places like Florida and Las Vegas. Mark decided to add a touch of reality by letting dogs participate. (Don't bother to ask Mark how he got a Health Department permit that allows dogs. He won't go there.)

Dogs scrabbling under the table for dinner scraps adds a definite sense of adventure -- even danger -- to an evening out. Wouldn't you know it! Some people just can't or won't control their dogs, so there is a certain amount of canines wandering uninvited into others' turf. The restaurant even has a wait person whose only job is to adjudicate dog disputes.

Some advice. Both men and women should wear old, sturdy pants to dinner. For one thing, you can wipe the grease on your hands on them. For another, they will protect your legs from a stray fang should a dog fight unexpectedly erupt under your table.

Bones on the Floor will also rent you leather leggings for an added level of under table dog fight protection.

Enjoy your evening! You'll love it!

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
All Rights Reserved
satire | humor | comedy | parody| satirical headlines