October 22, 2004

Risque Anti-Bush Bumper Sticker Leads to Arrest

In the End, Respect for Bill of Rights Trumps Partisanship

Burton Goldman is a strong John Kerry supporter, so when he saw the bumper sticker of his dreams at a fund raiser, he readily shelled out $50. That's a lot of money to Goldman, an hourly worker at a Hamiltonville, Kentucky factory that makes automobile cushions.

The bumper sticker read:

Abstinence '04

No Bush     No Dick

He slapped it on the rear bumper of his 1991 Honda Civic and drove to work. It was quickly spotted by his co-workers, who, like the rest of the country, are about evenly divided in favor of George Bush and John Kerry.

But unlike many other places across the country, the 200 or so workers at KRD Cushions still are able to talk politics and hold opposing viewpoints without fear of retribution or angry confrontations. In the following days, most of the talk was about the bumper sticker's risque play on words, not about it's anti-Bush message.

Then one day last week, a policeman pulled Goldman over within seconds after he exited the factory's parking lot. As he would later learn, someone -- maybe at the factory, maybe not -- had complained. The cop had been waiting for Goldman.

Rather than having Goldman sit in the car as he would if he wrote a citation for, say, speeding, the cop ordered him out of the car. He told Goldman to put his hands on top of the car and spread his legs, then frisked him. Only then, did he tell Goldman that because of the bumper sticker he was in violation of a town ordinance that prohibits "public display of obscene material."

Goldman reacted loudly -- too loudly, apparently. The next thing he knew, he was face-down on the pavement, being handcuffed. He spent the next eight hours at the Hamiltonville police station getting acquainted with two homeless vagrants, a cocaine user, and a shoplifter before his dismayed wife managed to arrange with a bail bondsman to secure his release. The obscenity charge was a misdemeanor. The more serious charge of resisting arrest had landed him in the holding cell.

Hamiltonville's weekly Light Banner Bearer had a story about the arrest on an inside page, but outside media didn't discover the story.

Goldman's hearing in Hamiltonville's municipal court was first on the docket at yesterday's weekly court session. When City Magistrate George Wilson turned into the parking lot at the Town Hall at 8:45 a.m., he was astonished to see every parking spot taken, including his own reserved spot.

Driving through the lot looking for a parking place, he realized that every single vehicle had the Abstinence '04 bumper sticker in plain view on its rear bumper. When he entered the building, the hall was packed with workers from KRD Cushions, including Marty Fletcher, the company's owner and a prominent Republican. When the courtroom door was opened, the room filled to standing room only and then the crowd spilled out into the hall.

After Wilson was seated, Elda Latham, the court clerk, read the charges against Goldman. The arresting officer and the chief of police rose, ready to proceed. But the magistrate immediately rapped his gavel and dismissed both the resisting arrest charge and the citation for display of obscene material. Loud cheers broke out.

Wilson gaveled the room to silence, then gave the arresting officer and Hamiltonville's chief of police a blistering lecture about the Bill of Rights and the First Amendment. After prolonged and -- for a municipal courtroom -- unseemly applause, the crowd headed out the door to work.

In the parking lot, the Democrats left first, their Abstinence '04 bumper stickers held firmly in place with the adhesive backing that will probably take years to wear out.

The Republicans took longer. Their bumper stickers, held in place temporarily by pieces of tape, had to be removed and dropped in the trash bin outside theTown Hall's front door. Then they headed off to work, too.

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
All Rights Reserved
satire | humor | comedy | parody| satirical headlines