August 13, 2004

Seeking a Twenty-Something Who Plans to Vote for Bush

It's All in the Wives and Poolside Parties

I read somewhere that young voters, kids between 19 and 30, are abandoning President Bush and plan to vote for John Kerry. At least that's what the pollsters say they're finding 11 weeks before the election. But it's a fickle demographic.

Being an older dog, I wanted to get a reading from a young pup. I saw my chance when I ran into Bobo at the supermarket. He has his own one-man business cleaning rich people's swimming pools. You've seen him around, a short, fast kid, always hustling, in his mid-twenties. Part of the Friday night basketball pickup game at the high school gym. Sometimes I trip him when he tries to drive around me.

"I'm thinkin' of votin' for ol' Kerry," he said when I asked.

"Why? A small businessman like you, Bush should be your man."

"Bush is too rich to care about us little people. He just cares about helping the rich get more money. That's the Iraq thing."

"Kerry's as rich, if not richer than Bush," I countered. "Why will he be any different?"

"I got this customer who's got this mansion and the place is plastered with Bush signs. He calls me and says something's wrong with his pool pump."

"How's that related --"

"So I go over there and the debris basket inside the pump is like totally clogged with used condoms. Like filled to the top. Can't believe the pump didn't burn out. Clogged man. Can you believe that?"

"How's that related to the election?" I asked.

"I'm not going to vote for someone who has parties like that. Think what must've been going on in that swimming pool. Late at night, probably."

"But Bush wasn't at the party. What are you trying to say?"

"Got another customer, this one with Kerry signs all over. Go to clean the pool and there's broken glass on the bottom. Broken beer bottles. One of them Mexican beers, Tecate maybe."

"And so the bottles told you--"

"I can vote for someone who drinks beer beside the pool. People drop a bottle or two. They break. Sort of expect that. Glass gets into the pool. Those kind of people care about little guys like me."

"But Kerry wasn't at that party."

"No, but Kerry's got a bitchin' wife. Says what she thinks. She'll get the Iraq thing figured out"

"What did you mean by 'the Iraq thing'?"

"Well, the war's been over for more than a year. Time for everybody to come home. Kerry's bitchin' wife will get us out of there."

"I take it you don't like Laura Bush?"

"Seems nice enough, but too much sugar, know what I mean?"

"No, I don't. Personally, I like Laura."

Well, ya know, it's the wife that runs the country. You're really votin' for the wife. Who'd you rather have runnin' the country? Laura or Kerry's hotttie wife?"

"Well, I don't think you fully grasp--"

"Hey, man, I gotta go. Got a date, you wanta see a hottie."

"Yeah, see you on the b-ball court."

"Hey, man. I'm on to your trippin' me. Next time, me and my militia gonna kick your ass. Kick it all the way to Baghdad."

I smiled. "Bring 'em on, son."

Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
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