The Supreme Court Still Looks out for the Downtrodden
Dear Overworked Housewife:
Let us introduce ourselves. We are Dither and Frett, a law firm that specializes in complex legal issues and seeks to get people like you lots of money by filing lawsuits on your behalf.
Recently, the United States Supreme Court in Latham vs. Latham upheld an appeals court ruling in which a North Carolina woman successfully sued her husband and won a $10 million judgement for the husband’s failure to pay his wife overtime over the course of 30 years for household work that exceeded 40 hours per week.
Furthermore, the Supreme Court held that wives similarly situated in any state with overtime compensation laws can seek redress through the courts and collect unpaid overtime.
Let me state it as plainly as possible: If you are married to an asshole — pardon my French — who sits in front of the television watching sports every night and all day Saturdays and Sundays while you work yourself to the bone, we can sue the bastard for you. And get this: the Supreme Court has said he will have to pay you for your overtime beyond 40 hours per week.
Do the math. If you’ve been married 20 years and worked 80 hours per week as a housewife, that means you’ve put in 41,600 hours of overtime. If you assume your time is worth an average of $10 per hour over that period, then you should have received $15 per hour of overtime pay at a time-and-half rate for a total of $624,000.
Yes, wives just like you are astonished by these calculations. There’s no question that $624,000 is a lot of money.
Guess what? We can get that money for you. The wise men and one woman on the Supreme Court have shown the way. All we have to do is drag the bum into court and scare the crap out of him. He’ll pay up in no time.
I know. You’re going to tell me that your husband doesn’t have that money, that you keep the checkbook and you should know. Well, let me tell you, we lawyers here at Dither and Frett know all the tricks when it comes to husbands hiding money from their wives. When we get finished with your husband, you’ll be surprised at how much money he can come up with — and quickly, too — to pay that $624,000 the Supreme Court of the United States has ruled you are entitled to.
Don’t worry. You don’t have to pay us a nickel unless we collect from that deadbeat who snores and farts with abandon every night of the year on the other side of the bed. We get paid by taking a percentage of the settlement we wring out of him. And the judge who presides over your case will determine what amount is a fair fee for us to collect for our services.
So call us now at the toll-free telephone number at the top of this letter. Do you want to put in overtime of 40 hours per week for another 20 years while you-know-who wears a hole in the slipcover on the couch?
Call now!
P.S. If the sex has been mediocre during your time together, we can get you additional compensation for overtime as a sex worker. Just ask us about the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals decision in Johnson vs. South Carolina.
Sincerely,
George Frett
Attorney at Law