Panel Affirms That Other Matters Are Probably More Important
To: Satirium Readers
From: Satirium Board of Editors
Subject: Britney Spears Bald Head
In a unanimous decision, the Satirium Board of Editors has decided not to write about Britney Spears and her newly bald head. Justifying its decision, the Board said it concluded that other matters are probably of greater concern, including but not limited to the following:
George Bush’s lame duck status.
Whether Mitt Romney has more than one wife.
Whatever happened to Howard Stern
Has Nouri al-Maliki decided to shave more than once a day.
Does Karl Rove still have an office in the West Wing or has he been moved to the Old Executive Office Building next door.
What does Nancy Pelosi plan to do about her eyebrows.
Did Bahamian Immigration Minister Shane Gibson have sex with Anna Nicole Smith and if not, why not.
How many ethnicities should Soledad O’Brien be allowed to claim as her own.
If a limit is to be placed on the ethnicities that Soledad O’Brien can claim, would an even dozen be a fair number.
If Nicole Richie ends up doing jail time for DUI, will she and Paris star in the new reality series, “Cell Block Babes.”
Has anyone listened to Barack Obama’s speeches played backward and, if so, what secret message did they hear.
Should Saudi Arabia begin using its vast coal reserves in order to conserve its oil reserves.
In the UNIX world, should the traditional superuser login name of “root” be replaced by a more commonsense name like “legume”.
Are the Bush twins still virgins.
To increase her appeal to the well-edcuated voter who cares about use of language, should Hillary Clinton begin spelling her first name correctly, that is, “Hilarry”.