From Prime Time Magazine

As a result of the Bush Administration's stock dividend tax cut, Sanford Weill, the chairman of financial giant Citigroup, will save $4.3 million per year in taxes paid on dividends generated by his 23 million shares of Citigroup stock. A 55-year-old widow earning $50,000 a year and whose husband left her 1,000 shares of Citigroup stock, will save $446. (Married, no children, standard deductions, personal exemption for the widow, none for Weill.)

Here is a Top Ten list of how each one might consider spending the tax-cut:

Help Us with the Bush
Baldies Project

Tom DeLay reacts to news of his indictment.

Chairman Weill

1. Fly 100 friends to Paris in a chartered jet, rent the Louvre and throw a 24-hour party, capped by dancing until dawn on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower.

2. Buy the Montreal Expos.

3. Make a campaign contribution of $8,000 to each of the 535 members of Congress. (Note to the Legal Team: This might be illegal. Find a loophole.)

4. Buy the town of Wagon Mound, New Mexico.

5. Draw up a list of the 854 people you detest the most and send each a Segway Human Transporter.

6. Install a giant fan on the balcony overlooking the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and shower the exchange with 43,00 $100 bills. (For best effect, do this while the stock market is open.)

7. Rent Air Force One and fly your family and friends to Miami for lunch and shopping on South Beach.

8. Hire 46,500 unemployed Canadians and pay each one $92 (U.S.) to attend an Expos game, providing the Expos with a rare full house.

9. Use the tax savings as the initial legal retainer to launch a hostile takeover of the Vatican.

10. Send a $100 Thank You check and an autographed photo of yourself to all widows and widowers over age 55 whose income is less than $50,000 a year and who own 1,000 or more shares of Citigroup stock.

The Widow

1. Buy yourself and a friend Greyhound Go Anywhere tickets for a New York-Los Angeles-New York bus trip. (Travel Tip: Use the $10 left over for Handy Wipes to be used in lieu of showers.)

2. Take the ladies from the office to Hooter's and spring for two rounds of drinks.

3. Resolve to finally quit smoking and spend it all on a supply of Nicoret and Dentyne chewing gum.

4. Take your three grandchildren to see Terminator 3 and let them buy anything they want at the concession stand, instead of sneaking in your own candy and popcorn.

5. Drive to Atlantic City and blow the whole thing on the nickel slots.

6. Buy the boxed CD set of "The Complete Elvis Presley."

7. Use it to endow the Jayson Blair Institute for Journalistic Ethics.

8. Buy 20 copies of the book "Tearing Down the Walls: How Sandy Weill Fought His Way to the Top of the Financial World... and Then Nearly Lost It All" and give one to each person on your Christmas list.

9. Make a donation to the Jack Grubman Children College Fund.

10. Send a form letter via first class mail to all 535 members of Congress urging them to completely eliminate the stock dividend tax as soon as possible.

Recent Articles

Ohio Couple Sues
Over School Naps

Stranger Returns to
Jessica's Hometown

Bush Has Session
with Sensitive Shrink

First Church of
the iPod Opens

Does Bare Breast
Mean Ashcroft Out?

Geek Rejected by
Online Dating Service

Bush 41 to Wear
Diapers on Jumps

Tourist Guide to Iraq
Beaches Tops List

Obituary Debate:
Is Death the End?

Attack Ads Assail
Kerry Hygiene

Diploma Mill Student
Picks a Doctorate

Bush Picture
On Food Stamps

Homeless Man Uses Armani to Lobby

Robot Gang Battle
Ties up Atlanta

Visit Our Gallery of
Dubya Bald Heads

E-mail Satirium
to a Friend

Order a Copy Now

Chairman Weill

The Widow