November 14, 2003

Bush Finds Tucking Pens into Pockets and Purses Has Its Risks

The White House has run out of the special pens President Bush uses to sign legislation into law and is cautioning Congress to go slow on enacting new programs until the pen factory can catch up.

The gold-plated pens cost $4,300 each. They have diamond chips that decorate the first letter of "George", "Walker" and "Bush." A miniature computer and audio system plays snippets from famous Bush speeches, a recording of the president singing a portion of George Strait's country and western hit song "All My Ex's Live In Texas" and Laura Bush reading "Humpty Dumpty" to a class of first graders in Plano, Texas.

The shortage apparently developed out of Bush's penchant for giving away too many of the pens, including the 2,000 he and aides passed out at the signing ceremony for legislation banning partial birth abortions.

Reporters who travel with the president say that at $10,000 a plate Republican fundraisers Bush will tuck one the of pens into the pockets or purses of guests as they move through the receiving line.

One story making the rounds of White House press pool reporters tells of an elegantly dressed elderly woman at a fundraiser in Sheboygan, Wisconsin who startled Bush when she opened her handbag to stash the pen and revealed two pet white mice staring out at the president.

Bush jumped back in surprise, causing Secret Service agents standing behind him to pounce on the woman, who then dropped her purse. The mice scampered down the waiting receiving line, scattering guests, with Secret Service agents in hot pursuit. The frightened rodents were eventually found hiding in the cushions of a chair.

The White House and the Secret Service both deny the story, but members of the Republican elite in Sheboygan, as well as in Milwaukee, the state capitol, are dining out on the tale. They say the woman, who has never been identified, is famous for taking the mice everywhere she goes. The mice wear red, white and blue collars and their mistress drops crumbs into the open purse in her lap whenever she dines out.

The White House pen shortage was exacerbated when L. Paul Bremer III, the civilian administrator in Iraq, met with Bush in the Oval Office and the president impulsively pulled out a box containing more than 1,000 pens and told Bremer to hand them out in Iraq.

The pens were a big hit with American military officers and Iraqi wannabe presidents.

Bremer, at the urging of Vice President Dick Cheney, commissioned the pen manufacturer to produce 10,000 pens with Bremer's name on them instead of the president's. Reporters in Iraq who have examined the pens say that the audio consists of the "Star Spangled Banner", Pete Seeger's 1960s rendition of "We Shall Overcome" and Lee Greenwood singing "Proud to Be an American."

Reporters in Iraq also say that employees of Halliburton, the oil services company that has a no-bid contract for much of the Iraq reconstruction effort, have also been passing out the pens to Iraqi businessmen and placed a large order with the pen manufacturer, further intensifying the White House shortage.

The pens are manufactured by Pencil, Inc., which operates out of a small cinder block building in Palestine, Texas. Employees refused to discuss the company or its products, or to provide tours of the plant.

The White House said the the Bush re-election campaign pays for pens used in fundraising activities, but the estimated 10,000 pens passed out at legislation signing events since Bush took office were paid for by taxpayers.

In response to a query, an assistant to the assistant deputy White House press secretary said she did not know who was paying for the pens given out in Iraq, but promised to make inquiries.

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