February 2, 2004

Stars Fall Near Alabama, Moon Rises Close to Georgia

News Item:
Georgia's Secretary of Education, Kathy Cox, a Republican, wants to ban the word "evolution" from the state's public schools curriculum and substitute instead the term "biological changes over time." Former Preisdent Jimmy Carter, a Georgian and a Democrat, said he was "embarrassed" by Cox's plan. "There is no need to teach that stars can fall out of the sky and land on a flat Earth in order to defend our religious faith," he said.

Other words on Superintendent Cox's list:

Gravity: Mutual attraction between two overweight bodies

Sun: Firey orb that rises in the west and sets in the east

Moon: Preferred light source for backseat groping and/or conceptions

Earth: Halliburton's reward for campaign contributions

Condom: Special balloon for use in fraternity water fights

Penis: Tool for procreation, to be used only under God's supervision

Vagina: Little Awful-Awful

Peanut: Panty-waisted liberal egg-sucking one-term weasely President

Republicans: God's chosen people (See Halliburton above)

Democrats: Panty-waisted liberal egg-sucking tax and spend zealots

Zealot: Any reasonable person who disagrees with you

Nobel: Guilt-ridden inventor of dynamite

Peace Prize: Annual award by panty-waisted liberal egg-sucking Swedes

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