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October 21, 2003
Millions of "Free Nate Heatwole" T-shirts, Mugs on Sale Do Top 10 List, Volunteer Lawyers Presage New Folk Hero? An estimated 2 million "Free Nate Heatwole" t-shirts and coffee mugs went on sale today at the nation's 100 largest airports in what is believed to be the biggest, fastest mass merchandising of an instant celebrity ever mounted. Heatwole, a 20-year-old student at a small Quaker college in North Carolina, was charged Monday with the federal crime of taking a dangerous weapon aboard an aircraft. He smuggled box cutters, clay to simulate plastic explosives, matches and bleach through airport security in mid-September and hid them in lavatories on two airplanes. He then sent e-mail to Federal officials telling them of his civil disobedience actions, but it took more than a month for anyone to notice. If convicted, Heatwole could face 10 years in prison. The t-shirts and mugs are emblazoned with a "Free Nate Heatwole" banner and a "Top 10 Reasons to Free Nate" list. The reasons are: 1. He has a big chemistry exam next week. 2. Tracy Johnson, his hot date to the Fall Harvest dance, will be really upset if he doesn't show up. 3. His parents are going to Europe during the Thanksgiving holiday and Nate's supposed to come home and babysit the dog. 4. The Democrats are looking for someone to run for the U.S. Senate in North Carolina. 5. The Democrats are looking for someone to run for governor of North Carolina. 6. Next week is his turn to have custody of the dorm's universal fake I.D. so that he can sneak into a bar and have a beer. 7. Tracy Johnson has been dropping hints she might sleep with him and won't even insist on waiting until the Fall Harvest dance. 8. The New York Times is looking for another columnist for its Op-Ed page. 9. The Democrats are looking for someone to move to Texas and run against Republican congressman Tom Delay. 10. Paul Bremer, the civilian administrator in Iraq, is seeking someone to advise the Iraqis on "Civil Disobedience Techniques for the 21st Century." The massive t-shirt and mug project was mounted by United Newsies, the largest operator of airport newsstands and curio shops in the country. The company had assembled a national network of t-shirt and coffee mug manufacturers in the cities with the 100 busiest airports that could respond quickly to a news event. "This seemed like a natural," said Bahpoo Sutra, head of the company's special sales division. "This young man and his brave act will be on the minds of every traveler today." Bahpoo giggled nervously when he was reminded that Heatwole is already free, since he was released on his own recognizance after appearing before a Federal magistrate. "We haven't been mentioning that," he said. Then, recovering his composure, he added: "He should be freed from the threat of prison." Passengers waiting to go through security today at Atlanta's Hartsfield Airport were indignant about Heatwole's arrest. "The kid's a hero, a folk hero," said Elmo Ericksen, waiting to board a flight to Detroit. "Instead of arresting him, the TSA should put him on the payroll and let him look for holes in security." In Washington, a spokesman for the Association of Criminal Lawyers Before the Federal Bar said that 2,650 lawyers had already volunteered to represent Heatwole at his trial. Asked if the lawyers' motives in volunteering was garnering publicity, Rodney Osborne said, "That might be your first thought. But actually I think every last one of them want to represent him for... call it the sport of it. They're thinking about how much fun it will be to make a laughing stock out of some poor assistant Federal D.A. for trying to prosecute this kid." Copyright William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions |
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