It Snored, Scratched Fleas, Passed Gas — All Under the Covers
Now it can finally be revealed: For the past two months, Barack and Michelle Obama have slept each night at the White House with a computerized mechanical dog that insisted on being under the covers and nipped at human toes if there was too much pushing and shoving.
The mechanical dog, named Persistence, was provided by the non-profit animal rights group Dogs Are People, Too.
“It’s well known that all new dog owners will adamantly insist that the dog will sleep in its little dog bed on the floor beside the bed and that the children will be snug in their beds elsewhere in the house,” said Rachel Manilow, DAPT’s executive director.
“It’s also well known that this household rule falls by the wayside within ten minutes after lights out on the first night with a new dog, so that’s why we suggested the Obamas and their daughters spend a couple of months with Persistence tutoring them about how to sleep in bed with a dog.”
A White House spokesman declined to comment about Persistence. “What goes on in the First Bed is always, always off limits,” said Second Deputy Assistant Press Secretary Faith Harmony.
Ms. Manilow of DAPT was not so reticent: “We had several training sessions with the Obamas about the do and don’ts of sleeping with Persistence. We told them it’s futile to attempt to expel Persistence when she jumps onto the bed after lights out and burrows under the covers. We told them that you never, ever kick your dog under the covers.”
“I can’t tell you precisely what went on between Persistence and the Obamas,” she said. “But I do know we programmed Persistence to insist on sleeping between the adults in the bed and that she threw up in the bed under the covers on at least two occasions and passed gas an average of six times a night.”
DAPT staff members also trained several White House staff members how to care for Persistence and deal with her in an emergency. The cadre of Air Force officers who take turns each night dozing in an arm chair outside the presidential bedroom with the nuclear missile launch codes in their lap also received training about how to handle Persistence.
“My sense of things is that President Obama was somewhat irritated with Mrs. Obama’s insistence that Persistence have a role in preparing for the family’s first dog,” said Manilow. “But I’m sure that with each passing night as a new dog owner in a family with two little girls, he will come to appreciate all the things that Persistence taught him about sleeping with a canine.”