It’s Not What You Get Done, But How you Are Perceived That Matters
Arrive Early Stake out a spot at the head of the table. Setup your I-Pod and portable speakers. Play a continuous loop of Buddhist prayers or the chants of a Navajo Hatalii. Start some incense sticks burning in the corner. If the room allows it, dim the lighting.
Imbibing If it is a meeting you plan to dominate, tuck a hefty wad of Copenhagen snuff in your cheek and begin spitting into an empty Red Bull container. If you want to persuade, put a bottle of designer water and a box of Godiva chocolates at each chair.
Cleaning Your Nose Knowing when and how to pick your nose can be a powerful tool. Whenever your nemesis is speaking, make a production of blowing your nose, followed by serious digging out of goobers with a finger. For extra effect, stick the goobers on the underside of the table, rather than in your handkerchief.
Pounding the Table Most career counselors would advise against pounding the table. Wrong! It can be a very effective tool. Look at Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev at the United Nations when he took his shoe off and pounded the table. When you pound your shoe on the table, people pay attention and do as they are told. (Make sure there are no holes in your sole.)
Niminy-Piminy Know when to use ninimy-piminy. Maybe a brilliant idea has been saved from oblivion and a faltering career rescued when the besieged leader of a meeting resorted to ninimy-piminy. It will catch everyone by surprise and lead to wonderful things by the meeting’s end.