Life Is Much Simpler if It Comes at You Three Things at a Time
Here are the top ten reasons Congress should pass a law banning on top ten lists:
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid could finally produce a piece of solidly bi-partisan legislation that President Bush would gladly sign and the American people would rise up and show their approval with thunderous applause.
No longer burdened by the daily grind of producing a top ten list, David Letterman’s writers — basking in the glow of their new, much higher salaries — would have more time to come up with something that is actually funny for their boss to say on air.
Economists estimate that cutting out time wasted on creation of top ten lists would add at least $500 billion to the United States’ gross domestic product, making it possible to give all hedge fund managers at least a $10 million per year salary increase.
The alarming growth in the number of curmudgeons who who find it necessary to daily assail the creation of top ten lists would be slowed, perhaps even reversed, freeing tens of millions of otherwise very smart and creative people for more productive contributions to society.
If the White House staff were freed from having to grind out a daily list of the top ten things President Bush should do today, they would be able to focus on finding solutions to poverty, ending the Iraq War, catching Osama and doing something about improving the quality of the abominable coffee break pastries that the White House kitchen churns out.
With the creation of top ten lists permanently banned via legislative fiat, list writers of all stripes would feel free to end their lists when they had reached, say, six items, or (gasp!) even a mere five items.
Thousands of lawyers would find new work as their clients sought loopholes in the top ten list ban law that would allow creation of top ten lists that fell outside the ban’s purview.