Supreme Court Doodling During Oral Arguments under Scrutiny
Here is a roundup of Satirium’s latest findings:
A study of warthogs who had their warts removed by electrophoresis blastoma ablation techniques generally saw their warts grow back within 18 months. Wartsheep subjected to the same removal approach saw their wool turn orange, except in those cases in which the ablation step in the removal regime was dropped. A separate study of human subjects who have warts on their posterior found that sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair and bouncing up and down for 30 minutes a day irritated the warts and lead to irrational outbursts of anger that were best treated by large doses of Valium.
Supreme Court justices who mow their own lawns are twice as likely to lean back in their chairs and stare at the ceiling during oral arguments before the court. However, justices who write books aimed at a broad public audience are twice as likely to scribble copious notes rather than doodle during oral arguments as justices who read law review articles at least once a month. Researchers who specialize in Supreme Court matters excluded Justice Clarence Thomas from their studies for reasons that were not disclosed.
If a group of America-hating bleeding heart liberals were to band together and raise enough money to erect a Bush II Administration countdown clock in Times Square in New York City, as of today the clock would show only 473 days remaining, unless the calculation does not include today, in which case the count would be 472 days. However, if these numbers assume that Inauguration Day 2009 is not a full day of the next presidency but only a partial day, then the countdown clock might show 474 days remaining for the Bush II presidency. By any calculation, researchers said it is still a long time until the next president gets control of the government. Experts issued a warning about the health consequences should any protesters attempt to hold their breath until the next president takes office.