Advice Columnist Explains Leaky Roofs and Extra Large Clothes
Dear Ask the Betsy
My house has sprung a leak, right over the dining room table. I’s just a steady drip, drip, drip. So I put a small, tasteful bucket on the table. I use the drip water on my cat. Her thirst just about matches the drip. But my friends say I should call a roofing company and get it fixed. I say my system works fine. What should I do?
She of the Drip
Dear She:
Keep the bucket, lose the friends. A small leak is no big deal. Millions of people live in houses with roofs made of palm fronds. Leaks are a way of life. Usually they catch the water and throw it out the door, unless they drink it. Or they just move their table or bed aside. If the leak persists, they make the pig or the kids sleep in the drip area. Do not call a roofer. You will subject yourself to people who wear no shirts, display garish tattoos, play loud, senseless music and spit chewing tobacco all over your shrubs.
Dear Betsy
My sister-in-law recently gave me a T-shirt for my birthday. It has a cute stylized design of a porcine creature on the front, which I think is just precious. But I’m a XXXX Large. The shirt is a XXX Large. I took it back to the store, but it doesn’t come in a XXXX Large. I really, really like this shirt. What should do I do?
Stressed Out in Charlotte
Dear Stress:
Lose some weight. Duh!
Dear Betsy:
I went into this store to buy a package of chewing gum. After the clerk rang it up and handed my the receipt, she said, “Have a nice day.” Can you believe that! I thought we left the “have a nice day” nonsense behind long ago. Why can’t all the cretins behind all the counters just say something as simple as “thank you”?
Perturbed in Petaluma
Cretin:
It’s a social class thing. If the clerk says “thank you” he or she is acknowledging that you did them a favor by making the purchase and paying them. This puts them in a social class below you because you had the money to purchase a package of gum, whereas they will probably have to steal their gum at the end of the shift. By saying “have a nice day” they rise up to your social class because they are expressing a wish that each of you would like to have fulfilled; i.e., having a nice day. The entire “have a nice day” construct was engineered by the Democrats as a means to foster a classless society. Republicans like you prefer “thank you” as a way to enforce your social superiority.