Take Satirium’s News Quiz and See How Good a News Hound You Are
When Idaho Senator Larry Craig passed his hand back and forth under the partition between two toilet stalls in the Minneapolis airport, what was he doing?
a. Trying to catch the very rare Lycaena dorcas butterfly, which has been sighted several times in recent months in airport bathrooms in the Midwest and causes a great stir among butterfly aficionados each time.
b. Practicing hand signals used between baseball pitchers and catchers in preparation for the annual charity baseball game between members of the Idaho congressional delegation.
c. His toilet stall was out of toilet paper and he was trying to reach under and up into the next stall and grasp some dangling paper.
d. So many people recognized him and asked for an autograph as he made his way through the airport concourse that he developed severe writer’s cramp and was sitting on the toilet dangling his hand under the partition as a form of therapy.
What did President Bush say when aides first told him about Senator Craig’s Minneapolis airport bathroom escapade?
a.“We have a state named Idaho?”
b. “Thank you Jesus he’s a Democrat.”
c. “Could this be related to the bridge collapse?”
d. “Police should be out on the streets catching terrorists, not sitting on toilets pretending to be perverts.”
What should Senator Craig do next?
a. Go to Colorado Springs and take the same mega church pastoral prayer cure that turned the Rev. Ted Haggard away from sexual encounters with men.
b. Announce that he has talked to God, found Jesus and that he is now “putting this matter behind him.”
c. Appear on Oprah, confess everything down to the tiniest detail, ask his family, constituents, financial supporters and fellow senators to forgive him and then jump up and down on Oprah’s couch and say he is “putting this matter behind him.”
d. Be more careful next time about who is sitting on the toilet in the stall next to you.