Staring in the Bathroom Mirror Is a Chore for Dick Cheney Each Morning
Number of women who successfully robbed a bank in 2006 with at least one crocodile strapped to their body: 7
Number who successfully robbed a bank by handing the teller a polite note asking for money: 2,976
Percentage of the crocodile robbers apprehended: 100
Percentage of the polite note robbers apprehended: 11
Number of Florida banks that have employed alligators as bank guards since the state legislature made the practice legal in 2004: 33
Bank robbers eaten during the course of a robbery: 6
Fleeing bank customers eaten by mistake: 49
Number of Hallmark “Sorry We Tortured You” greeting cards sent by the CIA to suspected terrorists who were subjected to special rendition to foreign prisons: 0
Estimated number of sixth grade boys in United States public schools who sent the same card to their teachers at the end of the 2005 school year: 23,879
Number of times Vice President Dick Cheney says “I am the president” to the bathroom mirror each morning: 50
Number of times Lynn Cheney says over breakfast “Try to hold it together, Honey. Just take it one day at a time”: 50