One Mom Says Her Daughter’s Mathematics Skills Are ‘Awesome’
Scarcely a week passes that some prominent education expert doesn’t bemoan how American high school students are steadily falling behind in mathematics and science, while at the same time turning into fatso sluggards.
But now, a glimmer of hope emerges from the farming community of Casandra, Wisconsin. Welcome to Weight Loss Algebra. And here, sitting behind his desk in room Log X Minus Two with a whistle clamped between his teeth, is Hobart Schindler, combination physical education and algebra teacher.
Weight Loss Algebra is the brainchild of Casandra’s school board, born from budget desperation during a combination poker game and board meeting held in Ernie Whetstone’s basement recreation room.
The problem was this: Some expected No Child Left Behind Federal funds had evaporated. In addition, the state laid on some cuts of its own. And no board member wanted to commit political suicide by proposing a tax increase. It all boiled down to dropping either physical education or algebra.
“Why don’t we just combine phys ed and algebra into one class?” said Winnie Gladstone, breaking a long silence as board members pondered their poker hands, stared at the ceiling or watched board chairman Roger Decker trying to dig something out of his left ear with a finger.
“Hot damn! someone said.
“Brilliant,” Decker said, examining the ear detritus on the end of his finger.
Others murmured their agreement.
A resolution combining algebra and physical education and appropriating $10 for Hobart Schindler to buy a used copy of “Algebra for Dummies” passed unanimously.
“I was plenty worried at first,” recalled Schindler. “But then as I got into the Dummies book I saw that I could probably pull it off. Algebra sounds more scary than it actually is, if you know what I mean.”
Now, Schindler’s students shout out the Laws of Algebra in unison as they run up and down the football stadium steps. When they compete to see who is fastest in the rope climb, they must factor a polynomial at the same time and shout out each step as they go.
Though some have criticized it as “fiendish and diabolical”, Schindler has taken the three-mile run to new heights. He breaks the class into three person teams and give each an algebra word problem to solve as they do the run.
Schindler just chuckles when he is asked if he is being too hard on his students.
“When phys ed was a course by itself, you should have heard these candy asses crying about having to run three miles,” he said. “Now, they think nothing of running the three miles. Instead they beg and plead and bitch and moan that I shouldn’t give them word problems with too many variables. I call that progress.”
Some parents seem to like the new approach to improving the body and learning higher mathematics.
“My Gladys has lost ten pounds, which is a miracle, as far as I am concerned,” said Candy Spellings about her daughter. “But her math skills are awesome, just awesome.
“We were in the supermarket the other day and they had a special on oranges. Three for a dollar. When I said to Gladys that I wondered what two oranges would cost, she shot right back. She said, ‘Sixty-six and two thirds cents.’ Sure nuff, when I got to the checkout, she was right.
“When I said, ‘How’d you know that?’ she just said, ‘Algebra, mom. Algebra.’ I say it’s awesome, that’s what I say.”