Use French Perfume When Dating a Sightless Man with a Jealous Dog
Dear Ask the Betsy
We only have one bathroom. When my mother-in-law comes over for a visit, her dog goes up to the bathroom and sits on the toilet for hours reading and won’t budge while the rest of us yell at him to get off the pot and open the door. I don’t dare tell Mammy not to bring her dog. It would the the end of me for sure. I think the dog is a snowzer or something like that, if it helps.
Gotta Go Real Bad
Dear Gotta:
Get a Porta Potty for the back yard and let him use that. Be sure to stock it with lots of reading material. By the way, I believe the dog you are talking about is a Snozzle.
Dear Betsy
The girls at work lined me up with a blind date and arranged for us to meet at a restaurant. I was a few minutes early and was shown to the table. Next thing I know, here comes this blind fellow with a guide dog. Turns out, I liked him. A wonderful man. I can see myself having a relationship with a sightless person. But the dog spent the entire evening on the floor under the table growling at me and showing his teeth whenever I tried to pet him. What do I do?
Growling in Seattle
Dear Growler:
There’s a wonderful perfume that would be perfect. It comes from one of the famous French fashion houses. Eu de Chein Mal. I think their secret ingredient is derived by burning beef bones in a certain way. Drench yourself with Eu de Chein Mal and the dog will be all over you like a blind man. (Oops. Bad, Betsy, bad! Go to your room!) Good luck. Let’s hope your unsighted friend likes it, too.
Dear Betsy:
I saw a headline somewhere that said Republicans had violated President Reagan’s 11th commandment. This struck me as odd, since I thought God had 12 commandments, not 11. Shouldn’t it be that the Republicans had violated Reagan’s 13th commandment? Also, I thought President Reagan died several years ago.
Puzzled in Birmingham
Dead Puzzler:
Good for you. You’re right on both counts. President Reagan did die a few years ago. They’re was much wailing among Republicans about their party’s loss and among Democrats who said they would take Ronnie any day over the current president. Yes, there were 12 commandments. When God was writing them, he ran out of space on the first tablet and had to put the last two commandments on a second tablet. On the way down from Mt. Sinai, Moses stumbled and dropped the second tablet, which broke into many pieces. Moses was so worried about the tongue-lashing he would get from his wives for being a klutz, that he told everybody that God had given him only ten commandments.