It’s Chump Change on a Per Capita Basis
Much clucking of disapproving tongues regarding the $1 billion dollars that presidential candidates will spend trying to win the White House in the 2008 election.
This concern is totally unnecessary. Think about it. A billion dollars represents $30 apiece for every man, woman and child. For the cost of a night out at the movies, you get a new president who:
Is smart, clever, well read, honest, insightful and diligent;
Is parsimonious with the public’s dollars;
Possesses the “vision” thing;
Is respectful of other points of view;
Never indulges in cronyism;
Will keep ill-advised foreign adventures to a minimum;
Acknowledges the threat of climate change and does something about it;
Regards the Book of Revelations with skepticism;
Doesn’t pursue interns of either sex;
Keeps extended vacations to a minimum;
Brings an end to the Easter Egg Roll blasphemous silliness on the White House lawn each spring;
Understands and uses proper English grammar in spoken and written communications;
Understands that if he or she wishes to have a dog or dogs in the White House, the only suitable breed is the miniature long-haired dachshund;
Obeys the Constitution;
Chooses only experienced, smart, highly qualified, honest and diligent people for appointive office, with no regard to sexual orientation;
Recognizes that the founding fathers envisioned Congress and the Supreme Court as equal partners in governing the nation;
Keeps in touch with the common man by venturing each morning onto the streets adjacent to the White House (with full Secret Service and Blackhawk helicopter security) to find a homeless person sleeping on the sidewalk and gives him or her a five-dollar bill to buy a cup of coffee and a donut for breakfast;
Recognizes that it’s okay to rent out the Lincoln Bedroom to your wealthy friends if you need the extra income, just be above-board about it and provide full disclosure.
Note to All Citizens: Don’t forget to register and vote.