Nancy Pelosi’s Makeup Artist Reveals All

Here is an interview with Greta Von Hurstenberg, Nancy Pelosi’s Makeup artist:

Q: What everybody wants to know about is the eyebrows.

A: Yeah (sighs). Those are her eyebrows. Really. I should know.

Q: Up high on the forehead like that?

A: She was born that way. Trust me. I suggested that we shave them and paint on eyebrows lower down. Uh, uh.

Q: Squeamish about being shaved?

A: Not about being shaved. She said moving her eyebrows would betray voters’ trust.

Q: San Francisco voters? They wouldn’t care about shaved eyebrows. Everybody there shaves their eyebrows.

A: I think it was a national thing. You know, what would they say in Texas or Nebraska? It’s about learning to trust Democrats.

Q: What about what they might say in Washington?

A: That’ not a problem.

Q: Really? How come?

A: Everybody in Washington politics shaves their eyebrows.

Q: Everybody?

A: Trust me, I should know. Ask any makeup artist who works politics in this town.

Q: So you have clients who shave their eyebrows?

A: Everybody does.

Q: Any names I might recognize?

A: I can’t go there.

Q: The president? Tell me not the president. Please.

A: I can’t go there.

Q: Cheney?

A: You want me to end up in Guantanamo?

Q: Is that a yes?

A: I can’t go there. I wouldn’t do well in Guantanamo.

Q: O.K. Let’s get back to Speaker Pelosi. Don’t you think she looks a little odd?

A: You think Speaker Hastert didn’t look a little odd?

Q: Are you saying he shaves his eyebrows?

A: Look, sooner or later the Republicans will be back on top in this town. So I just can’t go there, O.K.?