Here is a roundup of the latest Burning Questions.
Are the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara, still virgins? After all, they are now 24 years old, living away from home, and, judging from photographs over the years, not that bad looking. Also, weren’t they chip-off-the-old-block frat babe hell raisers a few years ago — underage drinking, ditching the Secret Service? Are they born again abstinence girls saving themselves for marriage, or something even more banal? Come on investigative bloggers! Inquiring minds want to know. (So do their parents, no doubt.)
How often does Iraq’s prime minister, Nouri al-Maliki, shave? If you’re going to be the leader of one of the Middle East’s most powerful countries — it had nuclear weapons, didn’t it? — then even 5 o’clock shadow is a no-no, let alone 12 midnight shadow. And please, don’t appear at the same podium with the president of the United States’ looking like some Madison Avenue commercial for a Gillette Razor. Show a little respect to the leader of the Free World.
Who gets John Kerry’s telepathic parrot for use in the 2008 presidential election? You remember N’kisi, the Congo African Gray Parrot that can read people’s minds and sat on Senator Kerry’s shoulder, whispering campaign advice. It was N’kisi who reported that President Bush fell off Dick Cheney’s knee when the two of them appeared before the 9/11 Commission. If Kerry runs for president again, the presumption most likely will be that he and N’kisi will have a joyous reunion. A Kerry run or not, maybe N’kisi would be better off serving some other candidate. Please, not Hillary. You wouldn’t want N’kisi listening in on Hillary’s private thoughts and then blabbing them everywhere. That’s just too, too scary.
Is it true that Vice President Cheney has been diagnosed with narcissistic activist personality disorder? That’s the word around some quarters in Washington. Not a lot is known about how to handle the syndrome, so doctors will be winging it as they devise a treatment. Odds on favorite as a med would be Ritalin. But doctors want to be sure that Ritalin won’t interfere with Cheney’s heart medications beforfe they leap off that bridge without bungee cords. So how about it bloggers? Does the Veep have NACP or not?