Thumbs Wrestling, Thumbs Basketball Top Activities List
Dear Friends:
We’re just back from the annual Thumbsfest in Chaffeyville, Indiana, and it was great, just the best. You’ve never seen so many thumbs. Thumbsfest just gets better and better every year.
There was a sad moment this year, and it got most of us sort of choked up. Grandma Dibs Chaffey, who you’re heard about from me before because she has, I mean had, five thumbs was taken by the Good Lord and one of his tornadoes last fall. Picked her house trailer up and carried it half way across Chaffey County, almost to the edge of Indianapolis.
There was a memorial service and they unveiled Grandma’s new tombstone. Yup! It has this giant thumb sticking up from the top. Great way to remember her.
But I do have to say, however, that some of us wondered why only one thumb? I mean, we didn’t make a scene or anything, but you just sort of had to wonder that if she had five thumbs, why only one thumb on her memorial stone?
Maybe it was a matter of money. Heck, man! They could have passed the hat and raised enough money for five thumbs. But you know those Chaffeys, sort of clannish and suspicious of outsiders.
But I’ll say this. No one could play thumbs basketball like Grandma Dibs. No one! It was awesome to watch her bring those thumbs into action. But she’s with Jesus now and teaching him thumbs basketball.
Some good news is that our own Amanda, who turned sixteen in March, came in14th overall in basketball. That’s up from 33rd a year ago. She finally mastered the double thumb bank shot. Next year, Mandy, THE TOP!! Girl.
Junior dropped a notch down to sixth place in thumbs wrestling. It was a big bummer for him, he thought he might have a shot at the top this year. But he’s got a big handicap with only four thumbs and having to go up against some of them guys with five and even six thumbs. You guessed it. There was one guy this year with six thumbs, though he probably weighed 300 pounds and that bulk got in the way of maneuvering his thumbs.
Still and all, I think they need to jigger around the wrestling matches. Why should someone with only three thumbs have to go up against someone with five thumbs. How is that fair? You tell me! Why not a class for people with three thumbs? Another class for people with four thumbs. Then people with five thumbs and so on?
Someone should get a petition going and give it to the Council for consideration.
But all in all, it was a great Thumbsfest. Good food, good conversation. Lots of tall tales. If you have a few thumbs extra, it’s always a boost to be around others like you and hear their stories.
Oh yes, almost forgot. Mandy met this boy with four thumbs that really seemed to take a shine to her. When you’re sixteen and have a few extra thumbs, dating and all that can be sort of awkward. So when a real good looking guy notices you… well. Plus extra thumbs give you both something to talk about right off the bat.
His name is Ardmore. He’s 18 and lives over in Iowa, about a six hour drive from us. Who knows. Keep you fingers crossed.
Sincerely,
Uncle Abner