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Dear Party Animal:
Thank you for your interest in Rock Bottom Cruises and the Achilles Heel, the latest in state-of-the-art hyper-budget luxury cruising.
About the Achilles Heel This gem of an antique ocean-going vessel still has its original coal-fired boiler that produces steam for turbines that turn a single screw. Our coal bins will hold enough coal to circumnavigate the globe, provided we have a full complement of coal shovelers on board. (Please contact our personnel department, if you are interested in seeing the world as an Achilles Heel coal shoveler.)
Accommodations The Achilles Heel cruiser can choose from two levels of luxury accommodations. In the Elite class, each stateroom has only 12 hammocks and each guest is assigned his or her own hammock that is theirs to occupy as they see fit 24 hours a day.
Pampered class staterooms feature 24 hammocks and each Pampered guest has an assigned hammock that is theirs to occupy 12 hours each day. (Sorry, due to high demand for hammock space, each Pampered guest must vacate his or her hammock promptly at the end of their 12-hour shift each day.)
All of our staterooms have two portholes each to catch the sea breezes and provide breathtaking views of the vastness of the oceans. A large ceiling fan to stirs the air as needed. (Ask us about our bathroom scheduling system.)
Meals are very informal and follow no set schedule, since Achilles Heel passengers bring their own food. There are no food preparation facilities on board, so plan your menu accordingly. Remember to bring plenty of drinking water.
On-board Recreation Guests are welcome to bring their own inflatable rafts and 200-foot nylon tow lines so they can experience the thrill of being towed across the ocean behind the Achilles Heel at 10 knots per hour. For a real thrill, bring an old inner tube and a ball of twine. (Caution: Rock Bottom Cruises will not be responsible should pirates in speedboats intercept passengers in rafts or tubes and take them hostage.)
Guests who seek a more sedate pace are welcome to bring their own wading pool and splash about in it on the deck. (Don’t forget to bring water for your wading pool.) On past cruises, guests with an affinity for cards have enjoyed gin rummy, poker, and hearts while sitting cross-legged on old blankets spread on the deck. (Don’t forget to bring your own cards and blanket.)
Fares You can’t beat Rock Bottom Cruises’ one size fits all pricing. Just $9.99 per day per person. Yes, you read that right. For a mere $10 bill less a penny you can enjoy an entire day on the Achilles Heel. Plus — No port charges! No handling fees! No transfer fees! (Prices based on passengers providing their own coal for the Achilles Heel boiler. Contact our Fuels Department for details about arranging your coal delivery on departure day.)
Have a Great Cruise!!!