N’kisi Continues to Circle White House Monitoring Brain Waves
A telepathic parrot who eavesdropped on senior Bush Administration aides during the 2004 presidential election campaign has been subpoenaed to testify in the case of CIA operative Valerie Plame, according to a source familiar with the case. The source requested anonymity because he/she dislikes birds and finds parrots particularly loathsome.
N’kisi, an African gray parrot with telepathic powers and a vocabulary of 750 words, is still cruising Washington streets with his two handlers. He is trying to get close enough to read the minds of Bush aides, including Karl Rove and Vice President Dick Cheney.
A source close to special prosecutor Michael J. Fitzgerald, who requested anonymity because he/she is not of Irish descent, said the prosecutor wants to question N’kisi about any Rove brainwaves the parrot might have intercepted. Fitzpatrick is probing whether Rove had a role in leaking Plame’s name to the media and revealing that she was a covert CIA operative.
Though the presidental election campaign ended more than a year ago, N’kisi and his handlers apparently continue to cruise downtown Washington and drive as near the White House as possible, hoping to pick up Rove and Cheney brainwaves.
A senior Democratic party officical, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because no one believes anything Democrats say these days, said the John Kerry campaign dischraged the parrot and his handlers after Kerry lost the election to President Bush.
“From what I hear, the two handlers went out and got jobs at Starbucks so they could afford to continue to monitor the Bush administration with the parrot. They had become obsessed,” the Democratic operative said.
The operative noted that another reason for anonymity is that he/she owns some shares of Starbucks stock and wouldn’t want to be investigated by the Securities and Exhchange Commission for hyping the stock.
Other sources close to Fitzgerald’s investigation speculated that the prosecutor is also seeking to link Vice President Cheney to efforts to discredit Plame’s husband, former career diplomat Joseph Wilson, who had become Bush administration critic in the runup to the Iraq war.
“What did the vice president know and when did he know it? Perhaps the parrot is the one person who has the answer,” the source said. He/she requested anonymity because of concern they might lose their Redskins season tickets if they are seen as too interested in the Plame case.
A spokeswoman at Fitzgerald’s office declined comment on the prosecutor’s interest in N’kisi. She requested anonymity because she has two Labradors and has never considered owning a parrot, although they seem like they might be fun.