Bottomless Cheerleaders Throw Nursing Home into Tizzy
GRAND VIEW, N.D. — It seemed like an innocent treat for the residents of Grand View Gardens, an assisted living facility for the elderly, when the Wilson High School cheerleaders came to lead some cheers in support of the local high school football team.
But then the cheerleaders did their famous Bottoms Up Back Flip Bonanza routine. To the dismay of many — and clearly the delight of others — among the 100 residents, all the cheerleaders wore no panties.
“It created quite a stir, I can tell you that,” said a Grand View Gardens shift supervisor. “Two of our male residents had a collision of their motorized wheel chairs as they tried to get closer, thinking the girls might do the routine again. And then one woman on oxygen grew a bit faint in the excitement.”
The shift supervisor said that while some residents were displeased, others laughed and applauded and asked the cheerleaders to do the routine again.
“One female resident who hasn’t spoken is six years broke her silence by shouting, ‘No long johns, Elmer. No long johns,’” the supervisor said. She said no one knew who Elmer was, since the woman’s husband is named Fred.
Wilson High School officials said the girls at first said that it was purely a coincidence, that they all had simply forgotten to put on their undies. But after further discussion with school officials, they admitted planning the prank. A possible punishment is under study.
Dentist Sets Record for Fillings Filled While Working Naked
LAS VEGAS, Nevada — Fabulous Las Vegas can be even more fav if you are a dentist determined to set a Guinness record. Just ask Dr. Leroy Errington.
Errington announced this week that he has filled 3,576 cavities in patients’ teeth — all while working completely naked. The old record is 1,423 cavities held by a Canadian dentist in Toronto.
“I need a vacation. My back is killing me,” Errington said, noting that he broke the record three years ago, but just kept going without filing the necessary documents to stake his claim to fame.
Errington also said that striving for what he considers an unbeatable Guinness record has caused a nasty rash on his back and buttocks where the air conditioner duct in his office blows a relentless stream of cold air on him as he bends over his patients.
The dentist, who also sings to his patients as he works sans clothing, said the record attempt has nearly doubled his patient load as news of his quest spread by word of mouth. He said it also helped to have a Yellow Pages ad that billed Errington as “The Singing Nude Dentist… We Take Song Requests as Well as All Credit Cards.”
“It helped me get through each session, him working without any clothes,” said a female patient who gave her name as Sabrina. “He’s got some pretty good equipment and it helped take my mind off everything going on in my mouth.” She said Errington had positioned mirrors on the ceiling and walls of the treatment room so that a patient can more easily gaze at their dentist’s nudity while reclining in the chair.
Flasher Epidemic Plagues Alabama Town
EVERGREEN, Alabama — Some jokesters have begun saying that this small Alabama town on Interstate 65 should change its name to Evernude, as a plague of nude flashers and streakers continues.
Evergreen police and Lothan County sheriff’s deputies say that in the last 90 days they have chased 173 people who have displayed themselves in public settings by flashing or streaking. None have been captured.
In a new get tough campaign, all policemen and deputies under the age of 40 have been issued running shoes and overweight officers have been given nutritional counseling and ordered to lose some weight. In addition, a local donut shop has been put off limits.
“Part of the problem is that our ordinarily God-fearing populace that in the past would have been outraged by flashers and streakers now seems to enjoy the spectacle of public nudity, even if it is fleeting,” said Evergreen mayor George Hardesty.
Hardesty singled out the town’s latest recreational fad: gathering in the evening twilight on the benches around Evergreen’s town square and waiting for nude streakers to run past.
“I’d say it averages about three every evening when the light’s beginning to fade,” said Orville Thompson, 72, one recent evening as he sat on a bench hoping to make a sighting. “We have all kinds — old, young, male, female, skinny, fat.” He added, “My favorites are the fat women. Love to watch all that flash jiggling as they stroll past.”
Thompson said he had even considered streaking himself.
“Decided to pass, since it’d be more of an amble than a streak,” he said. “When those lardass cops finally run down someone, I don’t want it to be me.”