The Host’s Dogs Removed Bobbing Accidents from the Floors
Miss Trudy Patience, critic, reports on the latest Hamptons craze.
First, you put on your bib, crocheted by ancient crones sitting before smoky fires in stone huts in the Hebrides. One of the liveried waiters at your table — mine looked Mexican — helps you tie it in the back.
What’s with the bib? Well, would you want coi water dribbling down the front of your evening gown or your tuxedo? Of course not!
Next, they bring in the coi — two coi per each Lalique bowl. One bowl for each guest. Oh, those bowls. So heavy. So gorgeous. Someone said they run $500 each now. Imagine that! Seems like just yesterday you could have one for $200.
Then there are the coi, two per bowl. Reds, yellows, tigers, white, mottled. Small coi. Bite size, of course. Not the large coi so common in backyard ponds. They flit about, waiting, unaware.
Thirty guests, seated around a Louis XIV table stolen by the Nazis from Versailes and recovered from a warehouse basement in Hamburg in 1953, wait expectantly.
The host, Whitney Turlock Marshall IV, O.B.E., Y.B.Y.A, rises and taps on his champagne flute. An expectant hush falls over the room.
“Let us salute these brave coi who have graciously consented to entertain and nourish us,” he says somberly. Then he picks up a silver whistle next to his wine goblet.
Turlock Marshall raises the whistle to his lips, surveys his guests with a devilish twinkle in his eye, and belts out a blast on the whistle.
Instant pandemonium!
Let me tell you, coi bobbing is not easy, particularly if it is your first time. The secret to nabbing the little buggers with your teeth (no fingers allowed) is to hold your breath and really plunge your face into the bowl. There’s just no getting around it. It takes everyone, including the practiced cognoscenti, more than one try to catch a coi in your teeth.
But persistence — and patience — eventually payoff.
The coi are surprisingly tasty — and crunchy. The crunch comes from their tiny bones, no doubt, but they go down easily. Here is the surprise: there’s no fishy taste. Instead, they are smoky, with a hint of saffron and peanut butter.
One of my coi went down without a hitch. But the other wiggled a bit on the way down and there seemed to be a momentary fluttering feeling in my stomach. But the unique taste was worth it.
Not surprisingly, there is much shouting, shrieking, and even ear-splitting screaming as 30 guests bob for their coi. Water splashes everywhere, and inevitably some coi are spilled on the floor. Turlock Marshall had invited his pack of miniature Dachshunds to the affair, so the floors were promptly and very efficiently cleaned of flopping coi or coi detritus.
I’ll have to say I had my doubts about coi bobbing when the invitation arrived, but in the end I enjoyed myself immensely.
However, I would suggest lessons if you want to get the most from your first coi bobbing experience. Make inquiries at some of New York’s better sushi bars. Some sushi chefs teach coi bobbing on the side.