Satirium

Carbs Are Back as Actresses Battle Midriff Bulge
More and more up and coming young actresses are switching to the Hollywood Starlet Jelly Donut Diet. Carbs are back with a vengeance. Here is a typical daily diet plan.
 
Morning Makeup Call Survival Kit
One strawberry-filled jelly donut, half a dozen carrots sticks, and a quadruple frappe-latte with triple sugar. Break the donut open and dip the carrot sticks in the jelly. When the carrot sticks are gone, eat the rest of the donut with your fingers and chase it with the last of the frappe-latte.
 
Dialog Read Through Memory Booster
Two grape-filled jelly donuts (grapes are great memory aids), a 20 milligram Valium, and a double expresso with four packets of sugar. Note: Some dieters just pop their Valium. But Hollywood Starlet Jelly Donut Diet aficionados prefer to make a small incision in each donut, grind up the Valium tablet, and sprinkle it over the jelly.
 
Lunch in Your Trailer
Two jelly donuts from the craft table (your choice of flavor) and two chocolate milks. Heat the jelly donuts in the microwave until they are piping hot. Use a knife to cut the donuts longitudinally and arrange the four halves on a plate. Pour the chocolate milk over the donuts and dive in with a fork or spoon. (No fingers; that’s too gauche.)
 
Afternoon Nap Pick-Me-Up Smoothie
Toss two orange marmalade-filled jelly donuts in a blender. Add a small container of vanilla yoghurt and a cup of chocolate-covered coffee beans. Blend on high for one-minute and eat out of the blender with a spoon. You’ll be at the top of your form for that difficult afternoon scene. For an extra kick, add a quaalude.
  
Dinner with the Associate Producer
Eating in a restaurant is a challenge for anyone who follows the Hollywood Starlet Jelly Donut Diet, since most chefs haven’t discovered the wondrous slimming characteristics of jelly and dough. Your best bet is to smuggle a couple of jelly donuts into the restaurant in your Hollywood Starlet Jelly Donut Diet carrying case. Order a large salad as your entrée and when it is served, spring the jelly donuts on the waiter and ask for a plate. Your escort will probably have to agree to a hefty plate charge, but the whole affair will add to your allure. More importantly, you will have managed to stick to your diet in the midst of a tough situation.