Recidivism Is One Trendy Icon She Might Want to Ignore
News Item
According to government studies, 28 percent of women prisoners recommit crimes within three years of their release and are sent back.
Here are several problem crime areas Martha Stewart will have to watch closely after her release from Federal prison if she doesn’t want to join the ranks of recidivists.
Home Decoration
Creating a model living room in which the walls are covered with a passionate pink wallpaper featuring a white doily appliqué pattern, chartreuse curtains, pea soup green carpet, floor-hugging futons covered in electric blue ticking that substitute for chairs and sofas, and billowy cloudscapes hand painted on the ceiling that depict Martha floating up into the sky from a prison exercise yard.
Probation Officer Makeover
Persuading the probation officer that he should stop wearing polyester Tartan plaid pants, seersucker shirts, white crew socks , Wal-Mart $19.99 one-size-fits-all sneakers, and a heavily worn black leather belt from the St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Shop and instead adopt snappy Bill Blass pleated chinos, Brooks Brothers penny loafers with tassels, a George W. Bush regulation blue dress shirt and red tie, a belt braided from strands of water buffalo leather, and an Armani blue blazer with a House of Stewart coat-of-arms on the breast pocket.
Washington Cocktail Party Circuit
Throwing a series of lavish Washington cocktail parties to which the movers and shakers from Congress and the Bush Administration are invited and going from guest to guest, “accidentally” bumping into them, and saying, “Pardon me, oh, please, please pardon me” while shaking their hand and secretly palming them a folded $1,000 bill.
Showing Off to Her New Stockbroker
Calling her stockbroker three days before Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc. is to report earnings and telling him “in case you’re interested” that the company had a blowout quarter with a quadruple increase in earnings and will also announce a surprise cash dividend of $20 per share.