News Release
For Immediate Release
INNOVATIVE NEW LINE OF FURNITURE EASES BURDEN
ON BUSY CONGRESSMEN WHO LIVE IN THEIR OFFICES
BALTIMORE, Maryland — Cotswald industries announced today its innovative new Conga line of furniture aimed specifically at busy members of the U.S. Congress who live in their offices during the week and travel home to their districts each weekend to meet with constituents and see their family.
“More and more members of Congress are choosing not to maintain a residence in the Washington area because they are too busy and housing is so costly and instead are living in their offices,” said Edward Cotswald, the famed Baltimore inventor and entrepreneur and president of Costwald Industries. “We decided to do our patriotic duty and created the Conga line of furniture and accessory products to make living in the office easier and more enjoyable.”
Bed-A-Desk
The flagship item in Cotswald’s exclusive and innovative new Conga lineup is the clever Bed-A-Desk. By day, it is a stately mahogany executive desk worthy of any committee chairman as well as lesser members of Congress. At night, the push of a single button turns the Bed-A-Desk from a desk into a super comfortable queen-size bed that doesn’t squeak or make any kind of noise when the occupants are tossing and turning.
State-of-the-art computers, servo controllers, and other high tech wonders convert the Conga Bed-A-Desk from desk to bed and vice versa in a mere 30 seconds. (Caution: Never press the Conga Bed-A-Desk control button while seated at the desk or while lying prone in the bed.)
Canapé Cooler
It looks like a luxurious leather bound attache case. But open up the Conga Canapé Cooler and you will discover a miniature refrigerator. The Canapé Cooler is an essential lifestyle accessory for the congressman who lives in the office and must make the rounds every evening of Washington’s endless lineup of lavish lobbyist cocktail parties.
The resourceful congressional office dweller will take the Canapé Cooler along and stash it full of canapés and other party delicacies when no one is looking. The Canapé Cooler will keep the goodies cool and fresh for an extended period, allowing the congressman to dine on party leftovers for breakfast the next morning or to serve them to constituents who turn up to complain about potholes in the streets back home.
Couch-A-Ciser
Every congressman’s office has a couch in the anteroom where visitors relax while waiting for an appointment with their busy representative. But except for the occasional house guest who uses it, the couch sits idle 16 hours a day wasting precious space in the typical crowded congressional office. The Conga Couch-A-Ciser solves this problem. With a touch of a button, the couch converts quickly into a state-of-the-art high tech treadmill.
That’s right. No more trips to the sweaty congressional gym where you have to rub shoulders with obnoxious members of the Other Party or lowly committee staff members chattering about the latest West Wing gossip. Hit the button and a computer, servo controllers, and other techno-wizards spring to life to make the transition from couch to treadmill or vice versa in less than a minute. (Caution: Never press the Conga Couch-A-Ciser control button while either sitting on the couch or running on the treadmill.)
Special Offer
Buy the complete line of all three Conga products for the congressman who lives in the office and Cotswald Industries will set up, free of any charge, a Political Action Committee dedicated to furthering the congressman’s agenda. While Costswald Industries can make no guarantees, there is every expectation that the typical Political Action Committee will be able to raise sufficient funds to pay for the Conga products and have enough left for a lenghty junket for two to Cozumel or Costa Rica.